Written by Alejandra Aguilar, California Partnership to End
Domestic Violence
Gender pronouns: She, Her, Hers
Over the past few years, there has been so
much energy across our country on raising awareness about the prevalence of
gender-based violence. Survivor-led movements like #WhyIStayed, #MeToo, and Time’s Up have done so much to bring attention to the
critical topics we have seen all over our screens—abuse in relationships,
sexual violence, and the social inequities that fuel them. During Domestic
Violence Awareness Month and year-round, survivors want people to not only
listen to their experiences, but also take action in our everyday lives to
prevent further violence. Talking about it is not enough. We have so much more
work to do!
As many people have experienced, and as many
of us have seen throughout our spaces at work, and in our friendships and families,
there are very real reasons why a large number of individuals choose to not
disclose intimate partner violence or sexual assault: fear of being
re-traumatized and ridiculed, having their experiences minimized, being blamed
and humiliated… The list goes on. We know the reasons. We talk about them every
day. And yet, we cannot stop talking! Now more than ever as more folks are
looking for opportunities to engage!
In our Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Campaign, Growing the Seeds of Healing and Justice, survivors across California are expressing
how they could feel more supported, what changes need to be made in communities
to make healing & justice more accessible, and their hopes for the future. Here
are some of their powerful responses to our survey questions—which invite us to
take action:
Q: How can schools, workplaces religious
institutions, etc., create welcoming environments for lesbian, gay, bisexual,
pansexual, and asexual survivors, and how would this work to prevent abusive
tactics?
A: "Say out loud you are here for us. Say
out loud that you welcome us. Say out loud that you need to do more training.
Say out loud that you do not tolerate discrimination. Maybe others will be
inspired by your bravery."
______________________________________________________________
Q: What would you need from your friends,
family, and community to feel safer and cared for?
A: “A nonjudgmental response to decision
making about how to heal. Take action when I say I am not well. Offer to go for
a walk, drive, or just sit in silence so I am reminded that I am not alone.”—Tina
Rodriguez
______________________________________________________________
Q: How do we move toward a California free
from domestic violence?
A: “Begin at the pre-school level and teach
healthy relationships, respect for individual sovereignty, and accountability
for behaviors; and keep teaching through high school.”
_______________________________________________________________
Q: Answered by Native and immigrant survivors, as well as
survivors of color: How do support systems need to be improved to meet your
needs?
A: "Strengthen the support system. Legislate that DV
victims be waived from deportation if an abuser reports to ICE or the court.
Expedite the Violence Against Women Act processing time for victims to be able
to find a job to support their family."
To determine how we engage others in the
prevention of violence, we must deeply reflect upon guidance from survivors in
our actions. But how can we get started? Answering these questions for
yourself—on a regular basis—can help.
- How can I hold myself accountable?
- How can I share ideas with others about ways in which
they can stand up against violence?
- How do I challenge the norms that perpetuate the
violence?
This is going to take all of us—and each of us can become self-aware of the
spaces in which we hold privilege and use it to stand up, speak out, and do
something. Use the Oppression and Privilege
Self-Assessment Tool that was shared in our blog post Intersectionality of Privilege, Oppression, and
Tactics of Abuse, and consider the following questions:
·
As a parent or
teacher, do you have access to spaces in which you can engage youth and adults
in discussions around respect, equality, consent and what they look like?
·
Do you have spaces
around you where you can add media and images that encourage healthy
relationship behaviors and bystander intervention skills?
·
Have you emailed or
called your elected official, encouraging them to promote laws that foster
equality and liberation for marginalized groups?
·
Using language and
examples that support survivors and challenge these norms: “They didn’t deserve
it. No one does.” “The person who chose to rape caused the rape. Nothing else.”
“Only a Yes is a Yes. Anything else is a No.”
How will YOU hold
yourself accountable?
How can you INVITE
OTHERS to engage in challenging the normalization of violence?
We encourage you to read and share the Piktochart that was created by the Wisconsin
Coalition Against Sexual Violence. It’s a great way to start the conversation
with others. Let me know how it goes by getting in touch with me at alejandra@cpedv.org. I’d love to hear back from you.
If you’re a survivor reading this, this is
your movement—and we welcome you to get involved. We would be honored to have
you join
our coalition as a member.
Please also explore the resources below:
Disclaimer:
The information contained in this blog is for general information purposes only, and CalVCB makes no representations of any kind regarding completeness or accuracy or security of the links within the blog. All opinions expressed in the blogs are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of CalVCB.
