While more and more people are beginning to understand that escaping a domestic violence relationship can be extremely difficult, it is also important to understand that the path to healing is equally challenging. Often, the survivor is in a state of crisis immediately following her escape. Her entire life has been turned on its head, and she is frantically searching for safety and stability. Even worse, she is trying to understand it all: “Why did I choose him? Why did he abuse me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done to make it work? How could he act like that if he said he loved me?” The questions seem endless.
Too often victims get caught up trying to fix the past. They try to understand the abuse, make sense of the abuser’s behavior. It’s normal and healthy to grieve the end of a relationship. But it’s impossible to change the past. And it’s impossible to change another person, especially an abuser.